Salmon hats are back, baby!
We've waited 37 years for this moment.
James Felton
Salmon Hat.
Hat that is made of salmon. Hat that is a salmon.
Many have hats, but this one is mine. Technically not a hat, since it balances on the nose. A distinguished pair of salmon spectacles, perhaps a salmon ‘stache. But better, since it doesn’t require shaving and, as a bonus, smells of fish. Might even be a salmon purse for salmon leftovers, some say. No easy way to hold a salmon stash. Therefore, overhead storage for a salmon carry-on.
How does it balance? Orca's nose is pretty flat. But when I dive, where does the salmon go? In 2018, a variation on the theme: two orcas passing a salmon back and forth. Over four minutes, salmon hat became salmon snack. Delicious.
Look at it here, worn by 32-year-old J27 Blackberry. Salmon upside down, tail flapping in the wind like a marvelous scarf. You can tell he is carrying his head just a bit higher, proud to be flaunting a salmon hat. Millennial salmon core (he was born in 1991, just years after salmon hat first cycled through the orca cultural consciousness.)
So happy that this is back in style. Sinking yachts was fun, but it wasn’t meant to last. There are only so many yachts, and after the third or fourth time it’s no longer a surprise. See a killer whale coming, we don’t want you to think of the “Jaws” theme. Bad PR for orcas (good for sharks, though).
Ramming boats is so last year. Salmon hat, on the other hand, is a timeless classic. Just as funny as it was in 1987. Imagine that: Iran-Contra affair. AZT approved to treat HIV/AIDS. Starbucks opens in Canada. We needed some levity. And then, magic in the Puget Sound. Salmon hat begins, courtesy of a female in the K-pod.
Scientists were baffled. A 2004 paper:
“Horizontal cultures are also found in the suborder Odontoceti, the toothed whales and dolphins. An example is the ‘‘dead-salmon carrying’’ fad of the well studied ‘‘southern resident,” fish-eating, orcas of the Puget Sound area of the northeast Pacific. It began with a female in K-Pod carrying around a dead salmon in 1987, spread to the other two pods in the southern resident community over a 5–6 week period and then stopped (R. Osborne, personal observation). It was noted a few times the following summer, and then never again.”
And then never again…until now! Salmon hats are back, baby. Who knows how long this will last, so you gotta catch it fast. Bell bottoms and psychedelics are having a resurgence. Why not salmon hat? Some of the orcas might even be the same orcas from the summer of ‘87! No better feeling than rewearing vintage fashion at the back of your closet. See, I knew this would come back in style! And your kid thinks you’re cool. Sooooo thankful for salmon hat.